How to Hold Space for Yourself
Setting boundaries is a radical act of self-love. It draws a firm line between you and other people’s bullshit.
It is not your job to clean up everybody else’s mess, or to be on the receiving end of drama and gossip that doesn’t involve you!
If it’s draining your energy, walk away. If it feels like a no, speak that shit out loud.
What I’m saying is, PROTECT YOUR SPACE. At all costs.
You have an important job to do here on this earth! Surround yourself with people who support your mission and stop wasting time on the ones who continue to hold you back.
Holding space for yourself is beyond important. Boundaries and prioritizing self-care is something that we are not taught in school, or when we are growing up. We are taught to work hard at all costs, even sacrificing self-love and care for the sake of getting the job done.
But once we get to that place of burn out, of not taking care of ourselves, it can be hard to get back from that place.
It can be hard to come home to yourself if you lose yourself in the process of holding space for everyone else.
I got to a place last week where I realized that if I wasn’t going to be able to hold space for anyone if I didn’t get some alone time, some time to recharge my own heart, then I won’t be of service to ANYONE including myself.
I got to the point where I realized that if I had to listen to Elsa singing “Into the Unknown” one single more time I would get out of the car and walk. Cue: alone time.
Also known as time spent away from child, my threenager (you know, that elusive concept that never happens). I love my daughter but lately she has been pushing my buttons, *the kind of buttons I didn’t even know I had! *
I don’t like to use the word tantrum, but lately we have been having more of them. In order for me to not have my own tantrum I have to take a little break, give myself the gift of space, hold space for MYSELF for a change.
I cannot begin to tell you what a difference it has made in my mood, my parenting, showing up for my husband, my community, and just an overall feeling like I can take on the world again, recharged and ready.
It doesn’t have to be much but taking the time to dedicate to giving yourself space any way you can is so important. Set the boundary. Step outside, take a walk, drink some tea, take a bath, do something, anything totally alone. Space cures a lot. Make a list of things that you can do to nourish yourself and do something on that list, every single day this week.
Your body will thank you, your heart will thank you, your soul with thank you. Your loved ones will thank you.
Write a bullet point list of everything you need to nourish yourself every damn day.
Here is mine:
• Nature – time spent outside. Doesn’t matter if it’s in my garden at home or in a city park or a waterfall in paradise I need, need to feel my connection to this earth each day.
• Movement – my body is made to move. I can hike a mountain or roll out my yoga mat or dance in my living room; all movement is good for me. When my body moves, so does my soul.
• Space to cry – or be angry, or scared, or totally joyful. I need a safe space to express and process my feelings, alone with my journal, with a friend, with my husband, with my therapist…time dedicated to my inner world to nourish my heart. What this means, really, is that I need someone to listen. To hold space for me the way I hold it for others.
• Alone time – even if it’s just a few minutes a day, when no one is pulling at me or needing me and there is no one I need to tend to but myself. It’s the only way I can ever gather my throughts and feel my feet on the ground.
My list changes a bit each day but the fundamentals stay the same.
When I have a tough week I can check in with the basics and more often than not, it’s not the end of the world or a major challenging life event that has come my way – I just haven’t had my needs met. That’s all. I can start working my way down the list, fill my own cup, and slowly I start feeling good again.
What are your non-negotiables? How do you fill your cup? Write out a bullet point list below and tag a friend to remind them of theirs too!