You know what’s great about getting older? This: I know my worth.
Sit with that. Don’t confuse it as arrogance. But if you do, look at that and ask yourself why.
I hope the younger people reading this learn the lesson sooner than I did - that __you do not need to beg anyone. __
I am confident in what I do, too. I won’t beg anyone to come to a retreat or a workshop. When I started years ago, I did. The fear of not having bodies in the room...
I begged men to love me in the past, too. That time I lay on the floor of my ex-boyfriend’s apartment and whimpered like an animal, "I will die if you don’t love me" coming from my mouth because I really and truly believed I would... I believed I would cease to exist, my personhood would vanish (my belly, legs, and breasts did during anorexia) and I would having nothing left to define me.
I begged the world to love me. But not anymore. I refuse. And that has made all the difference in the world.
My retreats sell out a year in advance, most times. There aren't any fancy marketing or gimmicks. My mom runs my website and helps me with my business. We bicker, we talk ten times a day, we make mistakes, we make up. The thing is, I am good at what I do. I know I am enough. There is not enough money in the world that could buy that knowing.
That does not mean I don’t have crappy days where I feel like I am a shit mom, or I don’t get out of my pajamas, or I feel like I suck. Don’t be fooled.
Trust in who you are. If you put something out into the world, whatever it may be (a book, art, a workshop, food, WHATEVER) you must know this: You are enough.
You are enough. This is not a cheesy slogan, it’s the absolute truth. It does not mean you are perfect. No one is perfect.
When I saw the words “I am a Yoga Girl”, I embraced them even though my IA (Inner Asshole) screamed, "You? You suck at yoga and you are not a girl, lady." I embraced it because I understood that what it really means is this: I am enough. Despite my imperfections. No, BECAUSE of them.
Here’s a little about my enoughness. I hope in the comments you will tell me about yours:
I can’t hear without my hearings aids. I also have tinnitus (ringing in my ears) 24/7.
I drink too much coffee.
I love Netflix and don’t read as much as I should. Also, should is an asshole.
I have been called "The Don’t Be An Asshole Lady" because I say it a lot. DontBeAnasshole.net. Really, don’t be.
Sometimes I am an asshole, but mostly I try not to be.
I dropped out of NYU with a year left and became an accidental waitress in West Hollywood. I stayed at the same restaurant for 13 flipping years, where I met some of the best people of my life and learned more than I did in college.
My nephew has Prader Willi Syndrome, and autism and I advocate for kids with special needs.
I talk a lot about anti-racism, and, if you don’t like that, too bad. I am learning to stop weaponizing my whiteness, to unpack my unconscious biases, and to look at my own racism. I am learning what being an ally looks like. A lot of that means listening and shutting the F up.
I have a 2 year old who I love more than the sky and the stars, but I know being a mom does not make you whole or know love better than anyone else. Read that again.
I am Jew-ish.
I take anti-depressants.
I am a great friend, an okay wife, and a no-bullshit-motherhood mom. I started an Instagram account to chronicle the journeys of parenting without shame called @nobullshitmotherhood. I forget to post there.
I am a TERRIBLE housekeeper.
I am a great listener, despite being deaf.
I have a memoir coming out in 2019 called On Being Human, the same name as my workshop, and I am going to take the world by storm and show them a deaf, sometimes depressed, college dropout who has no idea what she is doing can be a huge success.
I created #realmotherfuckinglife and #nopantssunday, and they both speak for themselves. At least they speak for me. They sum me up in two hashtags.
I did not think I wanted children. I had an ectopic pregnancy 5 years ago and felt grief, but mostly relief.
I changed my mind when I got pregnant with my son.
Sometimes I let my son eat ice cream for breakfast.
My son is Jew-ish and Muslim and whatever the heck he wants to be. My husband speaks Farsi to him. I speak in made-up songs and a little Yiddish I learned from my Bubbe.
I had such a bad eating disorder for so long that it’s a miracle I am alive.
I try and live by the words "How may I serve?"
I am excited AND terrified about having my memoir being a thing in the world.
I love naps, and I am not talking some 15-minute bullshit.
I still miss my dad who died when I was 8. Grief lives in my body.
I don’t buy into the idea that we all have just one “purpose” or “soulmate.” Our purpose is to love. Beyond that, change your mind as much as you damn well want.
I used to think my job defined me (waitress). Then I woke up.
I used to think my weight defined me. Then I woke up.
I used to be ashamed of not being able to hear. Oh, shame is so tricky. I am no longer ashamed. I am grateful for my hearing aids.
I am very loved because I love so damn deeply.
A lot of times I think I am not loved at all- that everyone hates me. Then I remember: it’s worse than you think; they’re not thinking about you at all.
If you take anything away from this article, I hope it is this:
The day you stop begging for confirmation is the day you are free.
How are you a Yoga Girl? Meaning: How are you enough? Tell me in the comment below.
Even though the weather is getting warmer, this comforting, delicious hot and sour Tom Yum Noodle soup is so yummy it doesn’t matter what the temperature is outside. This is an easy soup to whip up and the leftovers will keep in the fridge for a week!
Gemini New Moon: She Who Tells the Story Tells It Best
Ask not what your country can do for you (they don’t care about you)… just think about how you can see this whole mess with a new set of lenses (quote by a Gemini (Kennedy) and then rewritten by a Gemini (Silverman)) (Who knew you can write a parenthesis inside a parenthesis?).