Feel It All

Feel it all.

One of the hardest classes I taught was a class I themed around “joy” this time last year. I came into the studio at 5 am to turn on the heat, set up the music, and get into my body so I was ready for the early morning risers at 5:45 am. I was really excited to share something from my heart and had written words in my journal to read, in the event it didn’t flow from my head. I was sure this would be a wonderful jumpstart to everyone’s morning and season.

The class went as planned, until it didn’t. As I shared my words and expression of joy, the room fell into a hushed silence, like a resistance to this joy. I kept stuttering out trying my best to pick up the positivity but I completely bombed.

I paused.

I tried to recollect if I had said something highly offensive. I thought I had said something very wrong. I couldn’t figure out then what had gone south.

I proceeded to end class, thanking everyone the usual thanks. It wouldn’t dawn on me until much later in the week, that I had probably missed the mark and perhaps hadn’t tuned in to it because I was so wrapped within my own agenda of joy-giving, I could hardly feel the room and what was maybe necessary at the time, less words, more feeling. And I’ll never forget that class, nor this time of year, and how maybe I can show up and hold space for others.

I don’t beat myself up over that experience. It taught me several things:

  1. Not everyone can meet you where you are and that’s totally okay. Not everything will land the way you imagine. It’s why it’s important we get to know our neighbor.

  2. A 5:45 am class is really, really early to get all wordy and have a big theme for teaching. Not always, but much of the time. Less is more.

  3. While the holidays may be the most wonderful time to a lot of people, it may also be one of the hardest times for many people.

  4. Keep sharing on your heart. No matter what.

The holiday season is one of my favorite times of year and I also recognize that it might not be yours. It is pretty hard to escape the shoving of the season, with marketing campaigns, shopping deals, and flashy in-your-face-decorations. Many people are dealing with loss, exclusion, severe hardships and this season blares like flashing bulbs that we ought to cheer up. Please know this, you don’t have to. Sometimes getting through the day without completely falling apart is the only way to keep it together. Sometimes it is absolutely necessary to fall apart and no time of year should ever dictate or hold you back from that.

My hope for you this season is to feel what’s real and in the moment. May you remember what keeps you going in life. May you remember the joys as well as the upsets, we can only know one by knowing the other. May you be held in some way, shape, or form in the best way you know.

Let us feel it all so we know love and life that’s true.

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